Last of the Teenagers

M, our youngest, turns 13 on Tuesday. Last year I promised myself I would not have his 13th sabotaged like all his other birthdays so this year we planned to take him out beforehand. He has been in a good place for a few weeks now, as opposed to his usual Thanksgiving through birthday slump. Even so, I didn't want to risk it and we only told him 4 hours in advance that we would be celebrating his birthday tonight.

In our home, 13 is a big year. We give the birthday kid their choice of restaurants and time alone with just mom and dad. It is also the year that we purchase a purity ring for them and ask them to commit with us to remain se*ually pure until marriage. We share this "coming of age" transition with them.

For my children who have been se*ualized from abuse (our story is here) it is a time of recognizing that God gives them a do-over when they have earnestly sought forgiveness (for their decisions after the abuse) and pledge to live a life of purity. To pray and wait for the one God has chosen to complete them through marriage. To seek to know Christ and His calling on their lives.

Yes, we will fight to the death over chocolate :)

Honestly, the picture below makes me weep. I'm not sure we've ever had a picture together that was filled with such easy enjoyment of each other. If you had told me this was possible a year ago, I would have scoffed.

 Here's the ring we got for him.

These are pictures from the night before when we babysat my great nephew and great nieces. M has such a genuine interest and care for this precious baby. He wants to hold him and play with him and just be around him. I never thought I would see the day that I could trust him to put someone else's needs and safety above his own.  He is able to realize all that goes into the healthy attachment of a child. He watches me intently when I hold Will (and I would hold him ALL the time if I could). I see his longing to change his birth experience and early months, but instead of wallowing in self pity he reaches out to Will.

I don't see empty, vacant eyes with my son anymore. At least most of the time. Despite all his anxiety and fears he is still reaching. For me. For his family. For a helpless young baby that reminds him of what could have been. You are loved my son. I am so very proud of you.

(Picture of M and I at our 25th anniversary party)

Here's the poem that I print and put in a frame as a reminder to our kids of their pledge to God and to living a life of purity.
 

The Chastity Ring

This ring's a special symbol

Of the promise that I’ve made.

With your help, O Lord, I know,

It's glow will never fade.

With your help, Lord, I'll stand firm,

Though some may criticize.

For whose opinion matters,

If I look good in your eyes?

Who can give me anything

To take the place of you?

Who on earth can justify

A love that isn't true?

So, I make my statement,

On my hand and in my heart.

I know, one day, I'll hear you say

I chose the better part.

The world calls this "old fashioned;"

Still, I'll wait - it's just a while.

For Honor, Truth, and Faithfulness

Are never out of style.

I'm linking with: Toys in the Dryer Adventures in Home Education
Enchanted Homeschooling Mom Women Living Well  ABC and 123