The Answer

As I read other trauma mama's blogs and facebook postings I am overwhelmed by the frustration and fear and anger and hopelessness that we all feel at one time or another. Parenting hurt children means you get to confront their very worst behaviors with your very worst coping skills. It happens to ALL of us. No one is perfect in this journey.

If you are a believer you know that none of this is a surprise to God. Your children's sick heart, their sinful behaviors, your impatient responses, the presence of evil and the incredibly manipulative control issues. NONE of this surprises God. If we trust God we can believe that God loves our children, all of them, more than we can imagine and certainly more than we do ourselves.

So, the question that needs some kind of answer, almost any answer, is how to live through this challenging, dramatic, all encompassing ride without losing yourself and all you hold dear.

My thought: you don't.

I have been at this for 11 years and I can honestly say that the woman I see in the mirror each morning is nothing compared to 11 years ago. Thank God. Before we adopted I was so much more......

MORE:

  self-centered

judgmental 

critical 

innocent

trusting

whole

Now I know I am more......

MORE:

God-focused

accepting

realistic

knowing

broken

in need of a Savior

The means that God has used to draw me to Him, prostrate and broken before His throne, has been painful and devastating at times. It has made me question myself and those around me, both family and friends and professionals and experts. 

I haven't questioned God. I haven't asked Him why. I know the answer.

To teach me to die to myself.

To take my faith from a well spoken message to a broken hearted plea. 

To help me see that I am as damaged and sinful as my children.

That I am in more need of a Savior. 

When the entire world crumbles at my feet, He alone is still there. 

I don't have any answers. I have THE answer. A God who loves me beyond what I can see or imagine. A Shepherd who loves me and my broken children equally. A Redeemer who will take these days and turn them into something beautiful in His time. A Father who will hold me when I am in pieces and can't love myself or anyone else. A Savior who forgives and treasures me. 

Love them like Jesus by Casting Crowns




The love of her life is drifting away
They’re losing the fight for another day
The life that she’s known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child’s broken heart

You’re holding her hand, you’re straining for words
You’re trying to make sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to grey
As the little one slips away

You’re holding their hand, you’re straining for words
You’re trying to make sense of it all
They’re desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They’re looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus