Marty's Musings

School at Home: Ancient Rome Fun!

2012-01-25T10:10:00.000-05:00

I wrote earlier about the great anticipation of the culmination of our Ancient Rome unit study. Tonight was the night! We had our four here plus another homeschool mom and her two kids, as well as my oldest daughter and her husband. M and S were prepared with their costumes and we put the finishing touches on their written reports today (a lot of it done at the orthodontist office :-)

(Terrible picture of hubby and I but it is very characteristic of his goofy side! I've played straight (wo)man to him for almost 25 years.)

Caesar, my Caesar.

My favorite gladiator

My sweet Roman girl (Flavia Gemina as she named herself)

Our menu was served in five courses. First was fruit (strawberries, grapes and blackberries) and bread and cheese (homemade focaccia bread and french bread).

The second course was sliced hard boiled eggs with a pine nut sauce (though I had to use sunflower seeds instead). Third course was lentils (cooked on the stove top, with vinegar, fresh lemon juice, oil, salt and ground coriander added to the drained beans. The fourth course was chicken (marinated in lemon juice and seasonings) cooked in the oven and carrots with honey. The last course was individual Roman cakes (made with flour, ricotta cheese and eggs, formed into buns, placed on bay leaves in a casserole dish and baked. Before serving these cakes sat in honey until saturated.

(I got distracted and busy and don't have any more food pics!)

The kids read some information about the food and customs of the romans while we were eating each course. Our friends that joined us actually dressed appropriate to the times so we all looked and felt silly but had a great time! When it was time for the reports we went in to the living room and both of mine read their written reports as well as having some sort of a visual demonstration. M told about the costume he made and the different components for his armor. S had done a pencil drawing of the Roman Colosseum. They both did a great job of speaking slow enough and animatedly enough to engage their audience.

I thought our evening was a success. A lot of work, but a success! In the midst of parenting children with wounded hearts it's good to be able to see we've made progress in their homeschooling this year. There were many dark days when I never believed they would be capable of following through on a task this large, but they did and we had fun as well. Proud of my kids!

52 Lists in 52 Weeks #4

2012-01-25T09:21:00.001-05:00

This week's prompt:

Recipes I need to Make:

That's a pretty easy one for those of us ~~obsessed~~ interested in Pinterest! You can follow me here if you, too, want to become ~~obsessed~~ culturally up to date.

1. Breakfast quesadillas
2. Chocolate chip cookie dough cake. ('nuff said)
3. Oreo cheesecake
4. Chocolate chip cookie delight (yes I have an addiction to chocolate)
5. White chicken enchiladas
6. Crock pot Italian chicken (I love my crock pot. Serious love.)
7. "Crack" potatoes (they're addictive so I've heard)
8. Pizza dip
9. Salt and vinegar potatoes (science experiment comparing potatoes to chips???)

Okay, so those are the ones I'm drooling about at the moment. Tell me, are you hip and a Pinterest addict, too?

School at Home: Ancient Rome Unit Study

2012-01-20T15:18:00.000-05:00

Today my youngest two and I talked about our Ancient Rome unit study night planned for next week. Another homeschool family and our oldest daughter are coming over for dinner and reports. We used to do this years ago. I would assign a topic (a time in history or maybe a country) and we would check out every book we could find at the library. The kids (the older three at the time) would look through our treasures and each decide on a specific topic. From there they would research and write a report. We usually had a fiction book I read that went along with the time period. We would find out about the food, clothing, way of living and we would dress up, prepare and eat food like they and then the kids would give their reports.

In the first pic we had only had our foster/adopt kids one month and we had a medieval feast. (Side note: what on earth was I thinking?!! Thus, the crazed look on my face! M was our jester. Hysterical!)

The second pic is our study on China.

The third pic is our study on India.

This year is the first time I thought I could walk M and S through this process without sabotaging the night. There is a lot of work involved with making decisions and teaching them how to do a well written report. I used this method as a starting point. I didn't follow the time frame because there are some days that my kids are shut down emotionally and cannot use the necessary critical thinking skills. We also had our house projects in December and all of our holiday shenanigans. We did tackle it again t the first of the year.

Today as we started talking about the food I realized I needed to research some more myself so that I would know what to prepare. M is reporting on gladiators and has his costume mostly done. S needed some nudging on her costume. She has the tendency to want things to be perfect and then gets stuck because she has trouble applying critical thinking to the problem. The probem: what to wear? The solution: either something out of our closets or dress up. She just couldn't problem solve and figure out what to wear. She wanted it to be perfect for the time period and that's just not the purpose. We had another opportunity to apply real life problem solving. After all, doing nothing IS something. It just doesn't solve the problem. I finally found a body pillowcase and cut a hole for head and arms and voila! The beginnings of a costume!

Communication, whether written or oral, is not their strength. The ability to find 20 facts, extract commonalities, put them in some kind of logical order for paragraphs, list the facts in order within each paragraph and THEN start writing is a lot for my kids. A LOT. We're working through it. Lots of learning going on. Sometimes a few battles but there is learning happening!

It takes more work for me and much more patience to implement this kind of school versus worksheets and textbooks, but I believe this provides for a much richer experience and greater retention. When you're battling for you kids' hearts this may not be doable. I pray for each of you homeschoolers to be able to experience this kind of progress yourselves. I'll let you know how it turns out!

Anxiety

2012-01-18T13:41:00.000-05:00

My son has an issue with anxiety. My belief is that it ultimately stems from his abandonment by his birth parents. The problem is that it affects his life daily and even minute by minute. He has trouble focusing, becomes more argumentative and agitated.

One of the "techniques" (I say that loosely because I have no idea where this came from except God and a culmination of tons of reading) I am using is to identify the anxiety and follow through to a "worst thing that can happen" scenario.

Example: I have a dermatology appointment today to just have my moles and any skin abnormalities checked. No concern from me, just preventative medicine. Usually I don't tell my kids much about doctor visits because I know they get anxious. Today, I used my visit as an example to my son.

What is the worst thing that could happen?

What is the likelihood of that happening?

If this did happen what would become of you?

Specifics: what is the worst thing that could come of my doctor visit? I could find out I was very sick and eventually die from skin cancer.

What is the likelihood of that happening? Miniscule. This is just a preventative measure so that I stay healthy.

If I did get sick and die what would become of you? At this point my son was a mushy mess, although he tried to hide it as is typical. I asked him if he would be alone? He shook his head around in a circle and couldn't answer. His heart's belief? Yes, he would be alone. The truth? Absolutely not. He has a father who would do everything he could to continue loving and raising his children. He has siblings that are adults that could be active participants in his life. He has my niece and family (his cousins) that we are extremely close to.

My son's belief? He would be all alone, convinced once again that no one loves him and he can trust no one. This is the core negative belief that we must tackle and overcome with positive reinforcement and lots of prayer.

I believe that identifying the reason behind his anxiety and working on it day in and day out will help him learn to function better and release many of those paralyzing fears. One step at a time.

How many of you struggle with anxiety in some form? I know I have, mostly with situations beyond my control (my parents' getting sick and going into a nursing home, false allegations with B, financial concerns). Do they keep you from being present in your life? Could asking these questions in your life situation help you?

52 Lists in 52 Weeks #3

2012-01-16T20:17:00.000-05:00

Here's the prompt for this week:

Fun Things to do By Yourself

Wow. I remember the days of young ones running around and the thought that 5 minutes alone was appealing. Going to the bathroom by myself was a challenge. Now I'm older, my kids are obviously older and all those things are easier. Yet I turn to mush around babies and feel this urge to snatch them out of their mother's arms and run away with them! Especially this one.

Young moms, don't wish your days away. Fill them with service and devotion to your family. There will be an eternal reward for a job done well.

On to the list:

Fun Things to do By Yourself
1. Scrapbook
2. Go to craft stores
3. Exercise
4. Private devotion time
5. Blog!
6. Eat a large bowl of ice cream :-)
7. Watch a chick flick, uninterrupted
8. Read a book
9. Surf pinterest

I am realizing that the days are fleeting and I no longer need so much time alone. I desire to spend time with my kids (especially the older ones who don't live here) and am flexible whenever they're here. They are my first priority, outside of my relationship to God and my marriage.

Defending Me to Me

2012-01-16T12:32:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have read my blog for any length of time, you know I tell it like it is. I don't tell everything (not even close) but I don't sugarcoat the fact that my adopted children face obstacles and a belief system that stems from their abandonment, neglect and abuse. As I read back through some of my own posts I started questioning my own heart and motives. For some reason I felt the need to defend me to me. I love my children. All of them. It may not always appear so through my own words:

"There are no 'consequences' per se in our house for 'accidents', no yelling, no threats, no physical recourse." I feel like I should also say that there is no yelling, no threats, no physical punishment for intentional behaviors either. There are moments (though pretty rare) of raised voices in frustration but we don't yell at our kids. We don't spank or use any other corporal punishment, although I believe in it for neurotypical kids with no emotional trauma. It did NOT work with my adopted kids so we had to learn very different therapeutic parenting techniques to help facilitate change in their hearts.

"There is no 'logical' reason for him to be afraid of consequences." I understand that the behaviors that stem from attachment disorder do not appear to be "logical." I have long since given up "logical." It just is what it is. I will tell my kids that it doesn't make sense to me, but that I "get" where their behaviors stem from. That makes it no easier for me to parent the child. This type of parenting is so often "backwards" parenting from what I consider "logical." Embrace your child, give them expectations, rewards and consequences, spend time with them, connect with their hearts and give encouragement. These often don't work with our wounded kids. I understand why but my heart still wants
these to work while my mind is constantly searching for another option.

What totally frustrates and exhausts me is the fact that my son (who never lived with his birth parents but was in at least 3 different homes in 15 months) just can't seem to commit to change, yet my daughter (who we know was neglected the first 6 months of her life, before living in several different homes) has transformed before our eyes. Same birth parents. Same transitional homes. Same genetics. What makes one child shift and the other not? We are the same adoptive parents to both. I have no answer for my questions.

"I would be an idiot to trust him fully." As controlling as that sounds it is the truth for our family. We did trust our kids completely and there were deep hurts to work through because of it. Not just to us as parents, but siblings to each other. Keeping ALL of our kids safe is our first priority. A child cannot heal who never believes his home is safe.

"It goes to the definition of his character, and the truth is, that in spite of years of training, coaching, praying and instruction, his character is still questionable." Sometimes the truth hurts. Wounds reopen and hearts struggle. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32) I believe Christ is THE truth and with that relationship my son will be "set free."

Most of what I write is straight from my heart, but I realize to someone who doesn't live this life, I may sound hard and jaded. I love my son. I love my daughter. But I cannot live in their pain because one of us has to stand for hope. One of us has to possess the strength to believe that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Phil. 4:13) I lay my heart out with transparency in the hope that someone will be encouraged to keep fighting the battle for our kids' hearts. It matters.

Lamp Redo

2012-01-16T12:07:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted any pictures of our major flooring and room makeovers because I keep thinking it will all come together soon. Apparently, that ain't happening. I have a couple of gallery picture walls that I'm working on and that project is taking forever. Finding the frames, spray painting them white, arranging them and deciding on pics and enlargements are way too many decisions for me.

I would like to show you a little project I did last night. No before pics, but trust when I say this little lamp was ugly. Plain off white base, plain off white shade. No more!

Tim painted the base from leftover spray paint and I hunted around for some fabric from my scrap stash. (I don't sew but through years of kids making doll clothes and costumes I have an assortment of leftover fabric.) It was a jersey type material and I wasn't sure it would work, but Tim used spray adhesive that worked nicely.

Here's a tutorial much better than I could ever do. I wasn't half as careful or precise and didn't cut out a template first. I just used chalk on the fabric and cut it out. Easy peasy! Of course, it wasn't perfect but I found the trim in my scrapbook stash and it fixed all my wrongs!

I used some books I had on my shelves, a flower I bought for $1 at a yard sale and my little side table was done. It makes me happy!

Here's a look at the new recliner we bought that I promptly claimed as mine. I have a basket for books, a big fuzzy blanket and I am in heaven!

This is in our den in the back of our house so you can see the new wall color. Lovin' it!

Total project price: $0!!! Everything I used was from my stash of supplies. Can't beat it!

I'm linking up with Metamorphosis Monday and Life Made Lovely Monday

Follow Up

2012-01-14T15:10:00.001-05:00

To follow up on this post and a comment that was made, I rarely make M admit his lie. There was a time that I would treat it like a dog with a bone but I'm older (snicker) and wiser (amen) and I realize the futility in it. I will state the truth as it appears to me. If he chooses he can own up to it later or he may choose never to do so. As far as empathy for his sister, I do think he has the ability to feel something towards her. I think he hurts when he makes bad choices and damages relationships but he seems incapable of changing the course of his life choices. Hindsight is one thing. Constantly seeking to change deeply sown beliefs is another.

As far as whether M feels abandoned by S, that probably was true for him months and months ago when she started transitioning to attachment. I don't doubt that it is another person in his life to "abandon" him, but I will never stop pointing out to him that healing IS possible. It doesn't make his sister any "better" than him. It just demonstrates that healing and relationship are possible.

On to today's highlight :-) One of the struggles I face constantly is the lying. Today I told M he could earn back his MP3 by thinking of something he could do to make it up to S for scaring her the other night, regardless of whether it was intentional or just mischief. He had consequences based on the fact that he was in his room, an hour and a half past bedtime, fooling around and playing with something that wasn't a toy (his lava lamp). I took away those things that were keeping him from sleeping and providing opportunities to disobey us.

M approached me and asked if he could do his and S's Saturday chores to make it up to her. I said yes (she was getting a pedicure with her big sister) and let him have at it. After he was done he asked if there was anything else he could do for me, like dusting my bedroom or something else. I said dusting my bedroom would be great. About 10 minutes later I hear an enormous crash and M calls out, "the picture fell off the wall." I went in there and saw the pieces everywhere, asked him what happened and he tells me it fell off.

And there is the problem I face. He couldn't just say he was dusting it and it fell off and broke. There are no "consequences" per se in our house for "accidents", no yelling, no threats, no physical recourse. You have a problem. Fix it. You broke it. You replace it (if that is a reasonable expectation). There is no "logical" reason for him to be afraid of consequences. As far as we know, in his 15 months before he came to us he was not in an abusive home or somewhere that would trigger this response. But M cannot, without great amounts of prompting and often not even then, acknowledge he was the reason the picture fell off. I understand that this is his RAD response. Yet, somewhere, somehow, I want to hope it is possible for him to change. I know it is a possibility because I've seen it in his sister.

So my problem is I never know when to believe him. His character is such that lying is usually his first response. Which makes me not trust him. Or believe him. Then he gets defensive and tries to make ME feel bad for not believing him. Because of the many harmful things that have happened in our home, I would be an idiot to trust him fully. Many times I give him opportunities to prove he can be truthful and trustworthy. And SOMETIMES he is. But SOMETIMES he is not. That's the problem. The problem is not breaking the picture. The accident doesn't even matter. The problem is his response. Most of the time I don't even question whether it was intentional or not. The problem is my son's response and in turn, my response to him.

I usually don't even make him own up to his lies. I just tell him I know he did xyz and go on to the consequences, if there are any. I realize he cannot tell the truth in the moment. And maybe not ever. It goes to the definition of his character, and the truth is, that in spite of years of training, coaching, praying and instruction, his character is still questionable. The reality is, I pray he will change, I hope he will start practicing truthfulness, but I will always most likely have doubts. Unless he can one day make the relationship more important than the control.

Valentine Tablescape

2012-01-12T15:02:00.001-05:00

I am enjoying stretching my mind and learning how to decorate more creatively. I'm not very good at it (as my daughter would tell you) but I try hard! I love surfing Pinterest for new ideas to reuse and renew. I'm a yardsaler so I have access to loads of items. I just have to figure out what looks good in MY house.

Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up on Valentine's Day so I set up my tablescape as soon as I took down the Christmas decorations.

I don't have before pics but the frame that my candles are in was purchased at a yard sale for $1. It originally had frosted glass in 4 sections and I was considering using it for a wall display. Instead I took out the glass, hubby painted it white and in went the rest of the centerpiece! The large vases have pastel conversation hearts in them.

The two candles holders on each end were made for my daughter's 16th birthday party (7 years ago).

The two candle holders in the middle are a combination of 2 candle holders. Love the look of crystal.

For good measure I threw in the flower petals.

Total cost: $4 (frame, candles, candy)

Linking with Tablescape Thursday

Nothing Good Happens After Bedtime

2012-01-12T12:29:00.002-05:00

There are times when, even after parenting my son for almost 12 years, I am amazed at the depth of his negative belief system.

Case in point: School is a struggle for M. It hasn't always been like this and I don't know if it's because we're getting into the higher critical thinking skills, abstract math or whatever. He is still homeschooled and I cannot imagine how he would function in public school with waves of distractions, decisions and fears. He does not have the ability to handle a joke or let go of hurtful words or read people. As much as I've wanted, needed, a break from him I cling to the hope that somehow what we pour into him day after day will make a difference.

His anxiety is through the roof (although he rarely shows it to anyone else but me.) He gets fidgety, can't stand still, literally acts like there are "ants in his pants." He is not ADHD but the closer I get to the truth of what he believes the more his symptoms mirror it. He cannot handle the truth laid out in front of him. If he was a runner I imagine he'd run straight out the front door when confronted with the truths of his heart. Years of covering up, hiding in shame, believing the lies his birth parents instilled in him by their abandonment. Years of se*ual secrets, more shame, feeding the difficult behaviors. Pushing me away. All of this allows him to run from his heart.

Yesterday we had our devotions and spent more time than usual talking about the truths from God's word. I've asked both of my youngest to pick one little word for the year. Mine is presence, M's is trust and S's is consistent. We dived into the ways God can reveal Himself to us if we open our hearts. M's word confronts him constantly. Through sermons, devotions, scripture, conversations, even movies and CD's. I told him that was God's way of checking in with him, letting him know that He knew what was on his heart.

As I see my son react throughout the day, usually in a negative, defeatist way, I often ask him what lie he is believing about himself at that moment. He hates it, usually argues, but sometimes I am able to reach him. I can always tell when I get it right because he stops making eye contact, hangs his head and mumbles. On a piece of paper I wrote out his lie: I am worthless. Nobody loves me. If I'm not perfect Mommy won't love me. I also wrote out the truth: I didn't deserve to be abandoned or abused or se*ualized. I know these things intimately about my son but it is incredibly difficult to try to pull these beliefs out of him.

However, I believe that for anyone, Christian believer or not, change only comes with a change in your belief system. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Our wounded children believe devastating things about themselves and changing these beliefs will be a lifelong process. IF they are willing to replace the lies with the truth.

Unfortunately, these moments of heart searching caused my son to retreat back into old behaviors and fears. M and S both have their own rooms but they are connected by a french door. We had to duct tape the opening in order to keep my peeping tom from looking into his sister's room even though there is a heavy dresser in front of the door to keep each room from being accessed by the other. Last night S came in 2 hours after they went to bed and said she was frightened. She was shaking and tearful. She heard a noise under the dresser, thought it was one of the cats and looked underneath. A cord was dangling underneath the french doors, obviously moving around. She was afraid of her brother and his ability to connect/scare/rattle her with his presence, besides the fact that she was awakened to a scary noise. I left her in her room, marched into her brother's room to find him laying on his bed, head propped up on his elbow, not even pretending to be asleep. Of course he gave the excuse that his alarm wasn't working and he was jiggling the cord. So I decided to "help" him with that problem and took his alarm, extension cord and MP3 player away.

It is heartbreaking to watch my healing RAD hurt because her non-healing brother cannot be a true brother to her. She wants to have the kind of relationship my older 2 bio children have and it's just not possible right now, if ever. I told her I wanted her to work on accepting the relationship as it is and celebrating the fact that she has an older brother who will protect her and support her and love her unconditionally. I encouraged her to trust her instincts and the Holy Spirit's prompting when she feels M being "icky" or controlling and domineering. As much as she wants to see him better, as much as we ALL want to see him better, it is in M's hands.

Today the first thing M says to me is he wants to talk to me. I replied I'd let him know when I was ready to listen to him. Later he tells me he had moved his lava lamp onto the shelf by his bed and somehow the cord accidentally jumped in the space under the door. As a "scientific experiement" I made him reenact last night's scenario. Somehow he couldn't make the cord accidentally slide under the opening. He pleads with me to believe him, that he was (yes, WAS, not is) working and he's not lying. Unfortunately, he's already changed his story from last night and his response is they're both true. Seriously?

If you've made it this far you are to be commended! I only write this drivel because there are other moms who also fight these silly little battles constantly. Like, every second of the day. I've been there, am still there and see no end in sight. Is it a big deal? Yes, because it resulted in my daughter being scared and hurt and that is not acceptable in our home. Did I scream or curse or get physical? No. Did my blood pressure rise? Absolutely. When you've lived in the war zone for 11 years it is a natural response. Unfortunately, it's just a reminder of how far we have to go.

photo credit

52 Lists in 52 Weeks #2

2012-01-10T22:22:00.001-05:00

List #2: What are your New Years Resolutions?

I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions mainly because there are things I need to work on all year. New Year's Resolutions tend to be momentary goals that get thrown by the wayside when real life interrupts. But since I've committed to this list making project I'll think of a few.

1. Incorporate my one little word into my every day life. My word: presence
God's constant presence in my life and my positive presence in our home.

2. Finish my Project Life album for 2011 and start 2012. Love this project but am going to attack it in a different way this year.

3. Start making and sending out cards again. Love the ministry of a personal note and word of encouragement.

4. Learn to text faster. Seriously, my fingers are spastic. Not good for someone who took 12 years of piano!

5. Go outside more. I am such a non-outdoorsy person. Allergies notwithstanding I want to appreciate God's creation by being outside more. (No, hubby, that doesn't mean I'll take over the yard work. Stop laughing hysterically.)

6. Learn how to be a better photographer (or at least take my camera off manual :-) I just got a Canon T3 and am excited about exploring it yet terrified because I am so unscientific/technical.

7. Pray more, worry less and give thanks without ceasing!

Did you make a resolutions list this year?

Versatile Blogger

2012-01-09T20:25:00.001-05:00

My friend Barb at The Porcupine Dance nominated me for this award and I decided to play along.

Here are the rules:

There are two parts to it when you are nominated. First you have to list seven things about yourself that your readers might not know. Then you nominate five of your favorite blogs for the award.

1. I was a voice major in college and graduated from the University of North Carolina at Greernsboro with a BM (Bachelor of Music).

2. My dream job was to perform in shows aboard a cruise ship. (How's that for big dreams?)

3. I met Mikhail Baryshnikov while ushering at his dance performance after I graduated from college.( Is this 3 truths and a dare? Truth, I had to google his name 'cause I couldn't spell it. Truth, I'm sure most of you have no idea who he is. Truth, yes, he's a womanizer. Dare, don't ask me how I know that.)

4. My favorite theater role of all time was Maria in West Side Story in college. Seriously, it was a thrill.

5. I can type 95 words a minute.

6. I was done parenting after having our 2 biological children. (Insert
hysterical laughter from God.)

7. I told my mother when I was a teenager that I would marry a pastor. (God is beyond mirth at this point. After 25 years of marriage my husband is working to become a worship pastor. Funny, huh? Talk about eating some words.)

Here are 5 of my favorite blogs:

1. My friend Laurel at Our Journey of Faith is a kindred spirit, mother of many, dedicated homeschooler and a precious sister in the Lord.

2. My friend Kelly at Twist and Shout is an adoptive mom with children that have experienced many of the same things mine have. She is honest, straight forward and always advocating for her kids.

3. Dorothy at Urban Servant is an amazing mom to many, both biological and adopted. She is a godly woman who struggles just like I do yet always takes the next step out of love for her children and her God.

4. Amy at Scrap This, Save That is a fellow scrapbooker and thrifty blogger. She loves her Cricut even more than I do:-)

5. When I first "met" Brenda online she was such an encouragement to me. Having parented both bio and adopted children she went back to school to become a mental health therapist to help families just like mine. That is utterly amazing to me. She has been in the trenches and knows what she's talking about !Her practice and blog are here.

Please visit these bloggers and give them some bloggy love!

Carrying a Grudge

2012-01-08T21:02:00.000-05:00

If anyone deserves to carry a grudge,

it's Christ,

but instead,

He carried a cross.

quote from Paper Angels by Jimmy Wayne and Travis Thrasher

photo credit

Are You Drowning?

2012-01-05T14:18:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like you are drowning?

Losing yourself in your kids or your job or your home or the demands on your life?

For me, since our adoption it has been losing "me" in the craziness and trials of discovering and meeting the needs of my wounded children while trying to maintain and be present for my bio children, husband, elderly parents (now passed away), extended family, friends. Often it has just been too much. I can not be everything to everyone. God doesn't ask or want me to be what only God himself can be.

How do you set limits? How do you prioritize your day? How do you keep from losing yourself in everyone else?

I believe I am to die daily to my dreams and my desires in order to surrender to God's plans and desires for my life. That doesn't mean that all I am is a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. I am all those things and MORE. Wrapped up in all those titles are interests and hobbies, joys and trials, experiences and vision.

I am a complicated woman. So are you. As I work out who I am and what God is doing in my life I am rediscovering and renewing my love and passion for many things.

writing

scrapbooking

decorating

thrifty living

reading

connecting with other women

photography

mentoring

But at the center of it all is God. Without that focus it is just "a chasing of the wind." (Eccl. 1:14)

I am content in this life God has given me.

It is a gift.

Each day is a precious package to be unwrapped and savored and enjoyed.

I hope you will join me for the journey.

photo credit

Psychology vs. Spiritual Help

2012-01-04T23:51:00.003-05:00

Laurel at Our Journey of Faith wrote this post and wanted to know my thoughts. The question posed on her blog was whether a Christian family ought to search out psychological help for their wounded, damaged adopted child.

. is it really wrong to seek help from "the professionals"?

When we first adopted almost 12 years ago (our story here) it was our oldest daughter B that was the greatest concern. She was 10 1/2 years old and we had no idea the abuse, both emotional, physical and se*ual that she had endured. We tried one therapist for several months and she completely missed the mark. We found another therapist, a godly man who didn't do "Christian" counseling per se but always talked me through his work with my daughter. Saw him for a couple of years and made absolutely no progress. Around Thanksgiving of 2003 I was listening to a radio program on Focus on the Family with Nancy Thomas (attachment parent and expert) and felt like God was laying a Christmas gift in my lap. Everything that was said felt like a chapter from our lives. As I searched Nancy Thomas' website she listed parent recommended therapists. I found one in my city and could never know how that radio program would change our lives.

We started therapy a month later with our B (our therapist had worked with Nancy Thomas but wasn't aware of the info on her site) and within a couple of months B was able to tell us all the things she had been doing, under our noses, in our home, to her siblings and to our family. It was devastating but these revelations started us on the road to getting B help.

After B went into a residential treatment facility her two younger siblings began acting out and through the last seven years have addressed many issues similar to B's. They face many of the same obstacles and diagnoses. If you look up RAD on my sidebar you will see the many posts related to our journey.

With that background, I want to say that our therapist is a godly woman who has walked us through the worst moments in our lives. Without her help, counsel, respite provision and complete faith in God I shudder to think where we would be. Do I think she is completely responsible for the progress we've made? No, and she always reminds me that true healing can only come from God.

Our children have been damaged beyond our understanding and are fighting a spiritual battle. The enemy of their hearts want them to fail, to reject their adoptive parents and to believe the lies He whispers in their ears. What I have learned from 11 years as an adoptive parent is that my children have heard the Truth, seen the Truth lived out in their lives and are totally responsible at the ages of 12 and 13 of making the decision to accept or reject the Truth. Despite, therapy, therapeutic parenting, unconditional love, grace in abundance (for them AND for us) I cannot force my children to accept the Truth.

I have one child healing, one still struggling and one who is estranged from our family. God led us to an extraordinary therapist and I will forever be grateful. All the glory goes to God. Please understand. I believe with everything in me that it was God's hand on our lives and our desperate plea for help from Him that led us there. But I also believe that our therapist trained and studied to help children just like mine, yet recognizes and affirms that God is the divine healer.

Laurel says, "We absolutely believe in healing. We absolutely believe in spiritual warfare. We absolutely believe in deliverance from the enemy ... we also believe that the Lord can and does work through ordinary men and women ... and we believe that He can even work through the profession of psychology, if He so chooses." For our family, we are thankful to have gotten the help we needed to put our family back together and find the strength, both from God and from professionals, to continue to step out in faith, believing God is a miracle healer.

School at Home

2012-01-04T15:50:00.000-05:00

Haven't done one of these posts lately but I like to update to show curious people what "school" really looks like for us. Keep in mind it looks different ~~most~~ every.single.day.

I spent most of the night fighting nausea, neck pain and a migraine. Not sure why but sometimes I think Satan just throws in stumbling blocks to distract us. Today I ~~was~~ am starting to count calories to get me back on track with my eating. I was also planning on starting the Insanity workout again. Not hard to count the calories because I'm not eating hardly anything but the workout will have to wait another day!

We started back yesterday from more "casual" schooling but this morning since I didn't feel good I let M and S get their breakfast and we watched a movie on Dietrich Bonhoffer that I had taped years ago and never watched. Great opportunity to discuss vocabulary, history (Nazi Germany), scruples (Bonhoffer's decision to become a spy and ultimately a martyr), geography, etc. They did chores, corrected math, went over it with me and I taught the next chapter. They fixed their lunch and we watched some of the travel channel on demand of Spain, Morocco, Greece and Romania as well as the Eiffel Tower. This led into geography, more history, art, vocabulary. We NEVER watch TV during the day but these rare moments of me sitting in the recliner and hardly moving produced more discussion and teaching moments than if I was multi-tasking. Nice reminder that learning can happen anywhere at anytime if you have an open mind.

photo credit

52 Lists in 52 Weeks #1

2012-01-01T12:16:00.002-05:00

Just read this on a blog today. Since I am a natural born list maker I thought I'd play along.

"Today I Will......."

1. Finish ironing my new sheer curtain panels.

2. Go to the grocery store.

3. Go to church with family (and J, home from college)

4. Cook French toast for lunch.

5. Finish mailing Christmas cards (I know, I know, I’m late!)

6. Get the pictures arranged on the piano (I’m redecorating).

7. Watch a movie with the family (any good suggestions?)

8. Celebrate New Year’s Day with a fresh attitude!

So, what's on you plate for today?

Linking with On the Brink

Purging and Cleaning

2011-12-30T14:32:00.000-05:00

My need for order is about to strangle me! Three weeks ago (yes, including the two weeks before Christmas!) we embarked on a big house project. I didn't know how big when we started!

We have hardwoods in a majority of our house, but the back of the house (two bedrooms and a den) was new carpet when we moved in 21 years ago. Yup, it's that old. Raising 5 children, numerous dogs and even more cats took its toil on the poor carpet. We had not been able to afford to do anything about it and have just lived with it the way it is because we were waiting for kids to grow up and animals to stop peeing their frustration on our poor rugs. With two kids gone, S moving to a new bedroom, Tim wanting to create a studio in the first "extra" room we've had in many years, the first project to tackle was flooring. Tim was at Home Depot at 5:00 on Black Friday and got a great deal on Pergo flooring for our den, music studio and S's bedroom. When his painting business slowed down it was time to take the plunge. (Of course, it was during the Christmas holidays. Doesn't everyone do major work on their house during holidays?!)

So for 3 weeks we have moved things from one room to the next, beginning with our den, which is also the room where all our homeschool materials are stored. Numerous bookcases later I have purged, thrown away and set aside to sell many of our educational resources. Filing cabinets have been cleaned out, cabinets taken off walls. Linens, clothes, music, videos all sorted through. I am so tired of organizing I could scream!

I am also taking the opportunity to redecorate. I haven't done this in 20 years. Literally, our living room curtains came to us by bartering paint services for window treatments. I have moved things around as our family size increased but so much relied on finding space for 7 people and all our stuff! With only 4 at home our options have opened up. I can't wait to show some before and afters, but I thought I'd let you all know why I've been a wee bit quiet.

How did you spend your Christmas holidays?

100 Subscribers!

2011-12-29T21:42:00.001-05:00

I have been hovering around 100 subscribers for a very, very long time. I just hit the magic 100! I do not have my sights set on being some famous blogger, but I do want to minister to and encourage other women to stay faithful to God's calling on their (your) lives. I will never forget the loneliest, most difficult time of my life, just a few short years ago. I want you to know you are not alone! Through the miracle of the internet, I have an opportunity to share both the difficulties and blessings of mothering, homeschooling, adoptive parenting, frugal living and Christ-following. I hope you will stay with me on the journey. I can't really offer you 100% guarantee that you'll be satisfied with me but I will do my best!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and any questions you might want me to answer.

Blessings,
Marty

photo credit

Cinnamon Roll Cake

2011-12-26T14:07:00.000-05:00

My oldest son helped me make this for Christmas morning breakfast . Found it here from Pinterest. It was amazing. Amazingly bad for you. Three sticks of butter. Oh.my.word. I ~~like~~ love sweets and I couldn't even eat much of it. It sure looks pretty, though.

What is your Christmas morning food tradition? We've done many different things over the years, usually pretty simple when the kids were younger. I might have to bypass this next year for something healthier. Like celery.

Remembering

2011-12-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve marks the one year anniversary of my mom's tragic passing and uncalled for death. 2011 has been a year full of tears and a whirlwind of emotions since my mom died. These are the words I shared at her funeral.

Many of my most cherished memories and traditions surrounded the Christmas holidays. Mom loved to decorate, hosted her Sunday School class ladies annually and always had a new decorated sweatshirt or sweater for the season. As I remember my mom this year this picture comforts me and brings back precious memories. Even as the tears flow I celebrate her life and the strength she possessed from her relationship with her Lord and family.

One of those unexplained happenings that reassure us God is in control when it seems like nothing makes sense: my mom's mother died on December 23rd, my mom on Dec. 24th and my mom's dad on Dec. 25th. I believe my mom and her parents are in heaven looking down and enjoying their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Before my mom died she was always asking me about her parents and if they were at home. Now they are all "home" together. My mom is reunited with my dad and they are both without pain and free to worship the God they loved.

Revelation 21:4
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

For those of you who are experiencing a bittersweet Christmas season because of the loss of a loved one, I encourage you to embrace the pain while still seeking the abundant blessings that come from our Savior's birth.

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

I see the countless
Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,
reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
was always most important
the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
my Father said to do.
I can't count the blessing or love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
Wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year

Anonymous poem found at this blog.

"The Promise"

2011-12-23T17:00:00.000-05:00

This ministered to me today. Hope it speaks to you in some way this blessed Christmas season.

"The Promise" by 4Him

I’ve been watching you
Holding on for me
But through the waiting and the wonder
Somehow you still believe
If your faith is strong
Someday you will find
It may not be like you expect it
But I will come to you
In a perfect time

Chorus:
You may be waiting for the fire
When I’m calling through the rain
You may be listening for the thunder
While I’m whispering your name
You may be searching for a sign
To let you know that it’s okay
Hold on
Cause I’m on my way

I came to Abraham
I was the sacrifice
And forty years I walked with Moses
Through the wilderness of life
I came to Bethlehem
I saw them crucify the lamb
And as I rolled away the stone
I heard Him say
That He’s coming back again

photo credit

If You Are Going to Act Like.....

2011-12-23T13:34:00.001-05:00

Sorry, I couldn't resist. For those of us trauma mamas with kids acting out because they don't "deserve" Christmas, here it is!

Source: sawdustcityllc.com via Diana on Pinterest

Christmas Ornaments

2011-12-22T17:02:00.002-05:00

Several years ago (when I only had 2 children) I would cross stitch an ornament every year for the kids. When we adopted I began collecting an ornament every year for each child, to be given to them when they got married. At one of Rachel's wedding showers I presented her with 10 ornaments I had gotten for her to use on her first "married" Christmas tree. She was tickled and I was excited to share my finds. Fortunately no one else was at the shower so the other kids still at home don't know about my little tradition. It's just our secret, okay?

I decided I wanted to make a small scrapbook album of the Christmas ornaments on our own tree that hold a special meaning to us. Haven't done the album but I wanted to share a few of our ornaments. This year I added a few of my parents' ornaments that I kept. I always try to write the date on the back somewhere so it will help me remember where they came from. Thanks for letting me share!

Linking to Metamorphosis Monday and Blue Cricket Design

Predictable Christmas

2011-12-22T11:16:00.000-05:00

Been a bit silent around the blog. I seem to go in spurts with my writing. Lots of ideas, not enough time. Same old struggles, too tired to share. I am in a period of discouragement with my son M. One would think I should know better by now. From this place of progress to this predictable place of setbacks, I should know better. For my son, from Thanksgiving until his birthday at the end of February represents a time frustration and disappointment. Every year it marks a time of "dwelling in the pit." This post and this post are reminders that it happens every year. My optimistic self so hoped this was the one year that would see my son set free from his bondage.

This isn't the year. Maybe next year. Maybe not. To be honest, it makes me crazy. I have ~~lost my mind~~ not done well at not engaging M. The therapeutic parent/teacher in me just tries so hard to get through to him, knowing that it is futile unless he's willing to be different. I have to shut down in response to him because if I don't the pain he inflicts on me will ruin my Christmas and seriously affect my family. I have to remove myself from being drawn into his pit. After all these years I should know when to leave him alone and let him be completely miserable until the day he's willing to accept responsibility and move on.

Revelation for me: Tim has buzzed M's hair for quite a few years. For some reason he wanted to grow it out. When it gets longer I take over the hair responsibility. I have trimmed it for him once and it needs cutting badly now. The last time I trimmed it he was completely anxious and jittery. It didn't dawn on me until last night that he's afraid of the intimacy of me having my hands on his head. Tim doesn't pose a "threat" to his heart but I do. M has not hugged me or asked for hugs in several days. I really hadn't paid attention because I don't sit here and count the times my kids hug me. It's just normal life. But when M is in the pit he withdraws physically as well. His hugs become creepy.

Tim and I have talked about how hard M has worked for him as we have been replacing carpet with Pergo flooring in the entire back of our house. Huge exhausting project right here during the holidays. It is much easier for M to do the work when the outcome is a finished project rather than working on his heart with the outcome of a relationship. It hurts my heart but this is the truth for my son. Will it always be this way? I pray that it will not. Only time will reveal that answer. Hoping I have the strength and endurance to finish this race.

photo credit

Reason for the Season

2011-12-16T08:34:00.000-05:00

Precious

2011-12-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

Is there anything more precious than this?

Listening to music and cuddling with the cat.

Sound asleep with the vinyl siding workers banging on the house and her dad and brother banging on the new flooring in the den.

I love this child who has come so far.

Cherish her new heart.

Favorite Punch Recipe

2011-12-11T23:04:00.002-05:00

I'm hoping to make a family cookbook fairly soon but the only thing my kids have requested over and over is my punch recipe! Not sure what that says about my cooking. My daughter loves it so much that she talked me into making 18 gallons of it for her wedding. Now that's a mama's love right there!

Marty's Famous Punch

3 small pkg. jello (any flavor)
9 cups boiling water

Dissolve jello in water and set aside.

4 cups sugar
4 cups water

Boil and add to jello.

Cool and add:
16 oz. bottle lemon juice
2 46 oz. cans pineapple juice

Mix all together and freeze.

When ready to use, slush up and add 2 large bottles Ginger Ale.

That's it. Not too complicated unless you start doubling or multiplying by 1 1/2. When I used to make this for my large Christmas party (about 40 people) I would make 1 1/2 times this recipe. You can always add more Ginger Ale to make it go farther. For Rachel's wedding I had 32 2-liters ready to go! We ended with several bottles leftover and refroze the leftover punch. My suggestion: don't use grape jello because it ends up greyish pukey looking. Green or red is good. People rave over this recipe.

I'm linking with Tasty Tuesday and Tablescape Thursday

Christmas Tablescape

2011-12-09T12:47:00.000-05:00

Had my homeschool mom friends over last night for a cozy time of food and fellowship! Here are some pictures of the table.

Using a piece of the glassware from my daughter's wedding with last year's ornaments (bought on sale!)

At the other end of the table: I made these jar candles from an idea off Pinterest. So easy and very cute!

My marshmallow pops!

After the moms brought their food!

I'm linking to Tablescape Thursday.

He's Been Faithful

2011-12-05T19:44:00.000-05:00

We live in a world of hurting people

The walking wounded

Lives torn by pain and grief
inflicted on ourselves and others

I remember the worst, most difficult

heart wrenching time of my life

It was beyond hard

I had no idea how to survive

except to put one foot in front of the other

and pray

I don't wish for those days back

but I wouldn't trade anything for the wisdom

and strength I gained

On my knees

God proved Himself to me

when there was no one else

He was there

Song sung by Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

He's Been Faithful

Through Every Pain Every Tear

There's A God Who's Been Faithful To Me

When My Strength Was All Gone

When My Heart Had No Song

Still In Love He's Proved Faithful To Me

Every Word He's Promised Is True

What I Thought Was Impossible

I've Seen My God Do

He's Been Faithful

Faithful To Me

Looking Back He's Love And Mercy I See

Though In My Heart I Have Questioned

And Failed To Believe

He's Been Faithful, Faithful To Me

When My Heart Looked Away

The Many Times I Could Not Pray

Still My God Was Faithful To Me

The Days Are Spent So Selfishly

Reaching Out For What Pleased Me

Even Then God Was Faithful To Me

Every Time I Come Back To Him

He Is Waiting For Open Arms

And I See Once Again

He's Been Faithful

Faithful To Me

Looking Back He's Love And Mercy I See

Though In My Heart I Have Questioned

Even Failed To Believe

Yet He's Been Faithful, Faithful To Me

Marshmallow Pops

2011-12-05T13:54:00.001-05:00

Every year I host a Homeschool Mom's Night at my house. Very cozy, lots of goodies brought by the ladies and great conversation. This year I wanted to make marshmallow pops like we had at Rachel's wedding. S and I did these in advance and I added candy canes around the bowl. Not sure if it will be the centerpiece or just a goodie for the ladies.

I used red candy melts and regular sized marshmallows and dipped them in red and green sprinkles. They probably taste better than they look!

I'm linking with Metamorphosis Monday and Tasty Tuesday

Overnight Sock Bun

2011-12-04T14:39:00.001-05:00

Those of you with short hair can ignore this post (although I think it's amazing) because I'm speaking to my long haired women readers. I came across this link on Pinterest. Yes, I'm hooked. Don't judge me. Anyway, check out the link and then come back. I did this on my own hair and here's the before and after.

Yes, my hair is naturally wavy.

After wearing the sock.

Later that day, all dressed up for a church party.

I think it is absolutely amazing. I only wash my hair every other day and this is perfect for the second day. No work, no mess, no product required. Try it and let me know what you think!

Linking with The Thrifty Home

Deal of the Week

2011-12-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

I'm a lot late with this but I still wanted to share my deals!

With Black Friday, Cyber Monday and whatever starting on Thanksgiving Day, a bargain hunter like me was on high alert.

I went to CVS on Thanksgiving morning. Yes I did. Even though I'm against stores opening on Thanksgiving I couldn't pass up the opportunity to get over $100 of free merchandise. (And I went before anyone else was out of bed. Turkey in the oven, me saving money. It's a good thing :-) The circulars were out early enough that week so I could plan a little but I basically took the store circular with me and started picking up free items. The deal is you pay for all the items up front (or like me, use Extra Care Bucks you already have accumulated) . I paid $120 for all the items seen in the picture (click on the pic to enlarge and see all my deals!) and now I also have $105 worth of ECB to spend in the next month. So the actual expense of these items: $15. Here is a good tutorial on how to play the CVS game.

Other drugstores do the same thing but I just haven't worked myself up to doing more than one store.

Setback

2011-11-30T23:33:00.000-05:00

I haven't talked a whole lot in recent weeks about our struggles with our "attachment challenged" children. S is still doing really great even though there are signs all around of teenage angst. I can handle it. Really. Teenagers don't scare me. At least not because they are "teenagers." Tim and I pledged when ours were babies to have a consistent and involved relationship with our kids through the years so that they wouldn't be difficult teenagers. With our two bio kids there were certainly times, with my son more than daughter, that we struggled with testing the boundaries and letting go of control. Normal stuff. With S she has worked through so much and is a changed kid. She has blossomed. It was a seriously long road with many pot holes but she is God's daughter and worth every moment I invested.

M seems to be a story whose attachment ending may not be completed any time soon. He had done well for a few weeks. Probably the most consistent he has ever been. We got through his brother's graduation and sister's wedding relatively unscathed. Lots of anxiety before and after but we coped. Something seemed to have happened this past weekend that flipped the switch for him. From the emptiness in his eyes to the slumped shoulders and "orphan" mentality, he is different.

One conversation that tipped me off to the change happened on the way to the dentist. M began a conversation with S about whether it would be more painful to die in a fire or by freezing to death. Yes, that would be my mother that froze to death last Christmas Eve outside her assisted living facility. To choose that topic of conversation so close to the anniversary of her death hurt me immensely. He then continued the conversation with the dental assistant. Totally inappropriate. My reaction? I merely told him it was cruel and insensitive. Regardless of why he did it (whether to purposefully hurt me or because he's sad and processing) it was still wrong.

When probed to understand his about face he said he didn't "deserve" the good stuff. Apparently the closer he is to me the more he feels shame about his past and the baggage he still carries around. So he pushes me away in order to avoid facing and letting go of all those things that weigh him down. Maybe the source of all this is fear of what normal looks and feels like.

I have been trying to help M confront the lies that he believes about himself. He told me again today that "just because I have a feeling it doesn't mean I'm believing a lie." Considering 90 percent of those thoughts are negative, yes he is believing lies. The challenge is in first recognizing the lie, then confronting it and implementing change. Easier identified than done.

Case in point. I made breadsticks to go along with "fend for yourself night" and M had his breadsticks and was waiting for his soup to warm. His dad asked him to bring him two pieces of bread. M promptly went to the refrigerator, got out the sandwich bread, took out two pieces (all while next to the yummy bread sticks lying on the counter) and brought it to his dad. Tim asked him to look at all of our plates and then at the one M had brought him and tell him what was different. We all had breadsticks. Except his dad. And M couldn't find "what was wrong with this picture." Playing dumb? I think so. Which throws me back into PTSD and his older bio sister. The difference tonight was, as our therapist put it today in our session, "mom can just turn you off." And I can. I didn't get mad. Tim didn't get mad. I sent him to his room to eat and informed him I knew the playing dumb game and it was a bad choice. Truth is it infuriates me because he takes all the progress he's made and flushes it. It is old, undesirable behavior. Hopefully it's just a bump in the road and tomorrow will be different. I will always hope. We've been through too much and seen that their lives CAN be different. Here's hoping I can resist the lure to get sucked down into the pit with him.

Crock Pot Lasagna

2011-11-29T14:36:00.002-05:00

A friend asked me for my recipe and my kids love this so I thought I'd share.

Crock Pot Lasagna

2 boxes lasagna noodles

1 24 oz. container ricotta or cottage cheese

2 eggs

1 tsp garlic, minced

2 pounds ground beef (or ground turkey)

2 26 oz. jars spaghetti sauce (or make your own)

4 cups Italian 3-cheese blend, shredded (or mozzarella, I have also used sliced cheese)

I make this the night before and refrigerate and do NOT cook the lasagna noodles. The sauce will help soften the noodles.

Stir together ricotta cheese, eggs and garlic.

Cook ground beef in larger skillet then drain. Stir in spaghetti sauce. Feel free to add whatever seasonings you enjoy. I'll use diced tomatoes and mushrooms, too, if I have them.

Layer lasagna noodles, ricotta cheese mixture, shredded cheese, and beef mixture in a greased crockpot, ending with the beef.

This recipe is completely up to interpretation! Make sure and use plenty of sauce (the liquid) so that it doesn't dry out. This also makes a ton so you can adjust the recipe accordingly. I start my crock pot on high to get it warmed up then leave it on low for about 3-4 hours while we're at church.

photo credit (no, mine probably doesn't look like this!)

Linking with Tasty Tuesday

Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T21:58:00.000-05:00

Many of our most cherished family traditions center around the Thanksgiving holiday.

setting the tables on Wednesday
getting a new oven

What? You don't get a new oven the day before the biggest home cooked meal of the year?

watching parades on tv Thanksgiving morning

smelling turkey cooking in the oven
last minute cleaning
welcoming an old friend

greeting family at the door
family favorite cranberry apple casserole
Rachel's special gravy
loving on my great nephew

Visiting and resting and trying to stay awake

new tradition: thankful rolls
I used a never before tried bread machine recipe and substituted molasses for honey. Not a good idea. These were some ugly looking rolls! I didn't care if my family ate them but it was a nice new tradition to start.

selecting the Christmas tree

decorating and laughing and drinking Russian tea

most humbling and meaningful: our blessing jar
a year full of reminders of God's great grace
an undeserved, unequal, exorbitant gift

Pledging to keep the holidays centered on Jesus

Love,

Rabbit Trail, Life Skills and Control Issues

2011-11-27T21:34:00.001-05:00

M and his oldest sister

Amazing the rabbit trails I will follow. S was complaining somewhat about my lack of a sufficiently interesting lunch. Sunday lunch has changed somewhat because we get out of church earlier than we used to, and I cook when I get home instead of using the crock pot or timed bake. We've been eating leftovers for a couple of days so I understood but wanted to make a point. I want to teach M and S about meal planning, grocery shopping, couponing, budgeting, etc. Of all my children they need practical life skills the most.

I decided that soon after lunch was the right time. I asked both of them to make me a list of six entrees with a side. Breakfast and lunch are fend for yourself and one night is usually leftovers so I thought that would give them an idea of the process. M of course complained that he hadn't been complaining about the food and S just wanted to use the computer to look up recipes. Today wasn't even about helping me. It was more about them valuing what I do in our home and learning from it.

M finished first and brought me his list. Quite bread heavy but he got the idea. When I started instructing about variety and vegetables and healthy options he took it personally. Somewhere in the "conversation" (~~argument~~ teachable moment) I confronted him with his ideas about women. This was not a new topic of conversation. From domineering over and controlling his sister to the way he argues and disrespects me there seems to be a core of devaluing women. In our home we are all of worth because God created us. Men and women are different. Women are not of less value. We may have different roles but that doesn't make us less important.

I sent M to his room to think about it and when he returned he admitted he had control issues but not issues with women. I told him how important it is to change his beliefs or it will affect all his relationships with women. Because of his birth history and inappropriate relationships with both bio sisters he does have abandonment issues and distorted ideas about women. So the rabbit trail that started as learning about preparing foods and planning turned into one about changing M's ideas to value women, not control or dominate them. He does not, however, want to deal or even acknowledge this issue so we will revisit it. A lot.

2011-11-26T20:29:00.000-05:00

I've discovered Pinterest. I'll be back in a few days!

:-)

Thanksgiving Tablescape

2011-11-24T10:21:00.000-05:00

Gratitude

2011-11-22T11:28:00.001-05:00

printable link

Deal of the Week

2011-11-20T23:19:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's almost time for Black Friday. In anticipation of that AC Moore had a 60% off coupon good for today only (regular priced item). However, at my Michael's store they will match it plus add another 10% off. So I got this punch, regularly priced at $24.99 for $7.50 plus tax. Score! Knowing your stores and their policies can help you save money. Michael's also has a 15% teacher discount (which I qualify for as a homeschooler) but they would not have honored it in this situation.

Wedding Photography

2011-11-20T22:53:00.000-05:00

As we were prioritizing and figuring out our budget for the wedding my daughter's overwhelmingly first priority was photography. Everything else after that fed into her desire to create a beautiful wedding that would be remembered by the guests and family but would also last forever for the bride and groom. She wanted a beautiful venue, an amazing dress and decorations that would be pleasing to the eye and the budget!

Rachel had worked with one of these photographers before and we were blessed to obtain their services for a total of $800. This included an engagement shoot, a bridal portrait shoot and both photographers on the wedding day. One to follow Donny and one to follow Rachel. We received the photo CD's to print wherever we chose. We were all beyond thrilled with their pricing, skill and talent. Here are just a few of the almost 1000 pics from the wedding day. Enjoy!

Early Christmas Fun

2011-11-19T22:11:00.004-05:00

Here's the Walden family in all its glory. Setting up the Christmas village. The bane of my family's existence. It's my village but it is a family project that has passed from the oldest to the youngest. Tim started the OCDing over where every house and light and person is placed. It all has to be in perspective. Well thought out and planned. Hence, the diagram below.

When Rachel got old enough to be in charge the role fell to her, then to J and this year back to the whole family unit (minus son-in-law Donny). We even had an extra helper, my great nephew Will.

You can be a fly on the wall and watch some of our shenanigans (after the pictures below). Just a normal family. (And yes, I did tell them, "all joy snatchers will be dismissed!")

Throwing the snow is the last but favorite step!

Still

2011-11-17T18:21:00.000-05:00

As a singer and musician I am often moved by music and lyrics in my quiet/worship time. Life's circumstances often collide with the song God uses to touch my heart. Last night our oldest cat had his second seizure in two weeks. Because of his age we didn't take him to the vet but spoke to him instead. Knew it was a bad sign but this is a cat that my M adores and is fully attached to. It is the cat that sits in my lap in my rocking chair as I read or worship or seek God. I also sang at a funeral today so my heart was heavy. God spoke to me through this song and I know that someone needs to hear this today. "When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with You above the storm. Father, you are King over the flood. I will be still and know You are God." May this reminder release the rivers of grief in your soul as it did mine.

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Christmas Reading

2011-11-16T09:55:00.000-05:00

Wanted to share a set of books that I absolutely adore for Christmas reading/devotions with the family. Jotham's Journey is one in a trilogy that we have read over the years. If you are looking for a great read (whether homeschooling or for your family time) my kids and I love these. They are designed to be finished on Christmas morning and we actually did that last year I think after opening presents. It was such a sweet time even if everybody didn't know the whole story. The books introduce characters interwoven with Jesus' birth.

Pom Poms!

2011-11-16T00:18:00.007-05:00

One of the main design elements in the wedding came from an inexpensive, fun and easy (though time consuming) project that involved the whole family in preparation. We used sheets of tissue paper to make simple pom poms for the church and reception. They were literally everywhere. We used purple, teal and white in varying sizes according to its placement and purpose.

We hung them down the aisles on the sides of the pews.

We used large white pom poms to
hang on the doors leading into the
sanctuary, along with the
couple's monogram.

We also hung them from sashes draped over the memorial table and unity sand table on the platform.

We hung them from the mantle behind the cake table.

Another shot of the beautiful mantle.

The pom poms even appeared on the food tables!

Here's a link to instructions on making the pom poms.

The cost of tissue paper and curling ribbon: $42

I'm linking up to Metamorphosis Monday
Rae Gun Ramblings
The Southern Product Queen
Chatty Chics
The Shabby Nest

NOW

2011-11-14T00:27:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been captivated by a moment in your life and known that it was imbedded in your heart and mind forever?

Known without a doubt that this was the good stuff of life?

The joyful, unhindered light at the end of the tunnel.

The sun breaking forth through the clouds after a storm.

A weight has been lifted.

Burdens released.

That moment is now.

I welcome it.

I need it.

I cherish it.

God is good.

School at Home: Relationship vs. School

2011-11-09T09:55:00.000-05:00

I read other homeschool blogs where the moms list a schedule of their day and the many activities they are involved in. Much time is spent running around trying to achieve the best for their children. Unfortunately, it always makes me a little sick to my stomach. Makes me wonder what in the world is wrong with me that I don't get as much accomplished.

I know the answer to that question. Wait for it. It's because I value relationship over school. Many homeschoolers would rain down objections to that sentence so let me explain.

Since we adopted in 2000 I have been challenged daily in my beliefs and understanding about education, how the brain works and what is truly important. With neurotypical kids (like my 2 bio kids) a strict schedule and disciplined academic study may be typical and even preferred. However, I don't believe it's right for my adopted kids and I didn't even follow this model for my bio kids.

I have an overall plan for my children with goals for their lives at the end of their homeschool education. For every single one of them, I desire that their relationship to Christ be more important than any other and that they will walk by faith in determining God's plan for their future. We try to achieve that goal through Bible study, personal alone time with God, conversation, church worship and activities, friendships with other believers, and mission trips to list a few. This is not the only thing we do in our homeschool but it sets the foundation for what we believe is most important.

As the kids are growing up we try to encourage their interests as much as possible within reason. We might not be able to go on every field trip or take every lesson but there is plenty of variety in the activities we explore each day. My oldest daughter thought she wanted to be a pastry chef so she spent months reading about cake decorating and making a cake for every family celebration. She bought some equipment and got started. Her creations were remarkable! However, she discovered through this process that she really didn't enjoy it that much! Or at least not enough to make it a career. She could have spent years in school studying this further and realize too late it wasn't the best choice for her. Oh, the beauty of homeschooling!

So where does the relationship aspect come into play? Through our adoption and the many trials and triumphs we've experienced, M and S have taught me that no matter how, what or when I teach, if their heart is not connected to the family it will be for naught. If my child can do Calculus and Advanced Sciences but gives no value to life and relationships it will have accomplished nothing. If my student can write a brilliant essay yet uses his words to manipulate and hurt I will have failed at the things I consider most important. If my children don't respect and love their parents they might never have a healthy reciprocal relationship as an adult.

For me, this has meant stepping back many (many, many, many) times and asking God what is most important for this day. Is it beating those math facts over their heads one more time (and sometimes the answer is yes) or is it about stopping what we're doing to address the heart issues? To try once again to overcome the fear of abandonment, the debilitating shame and anxiety that encompass their hearts. Letting the child know in that moment that he/she has my complete and total attention. Praying over them one more time that they will take to heart the blessing they are from God, chosen by Him for our family, innocent victims of a fallen world.

Parenting children with attachment and learning issues can be challenging and utterly exhausting. I have to ask myself if it's really worth the struggle today over learning the parts of speech and algebraic equations. The answer may be that it is because we have to push through. Diligence and perseverance are qualities we value highly. But those qualities apply just as much to diligence at winning my children's hearts and perseverance to love them in spite of their anger and disrespect and manipulative games.

This also applies for my bio children as well. Our desires for them are the same. The path to reach their individual goals will look different in every child, but reaching the heart of each of our children is most important.

How do I know this works? My oldest daughter just got married and calls/texts/facebook messages me almost every day. We are best friends who can talk about anything and everything. She comes to me for advice and wisdom because I've been mentoring her for the entire 22 years of her life.

My son is at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is our first to go to college and I was scared to death wondering if he would get in. He did and even received some scholarship money. He moved on campus and started school in August with a major in Christian studies and a minor in music. He felt God calling him into ministry at the tender age of 11 and now he is continuing that pursuit in college. He adores school, loves the challenge, is a social butterfly and passionate about God. Does he call me every day? Nope. Does he Skype every day? I'm happy at once a week. Does he text me? Fairly often, but not often enough for me. Yet on Sunday he texted us with a request for prayer concerning a possible worship position at a local church. He knows we are always available for him.

Let me also say that I am not criticizing the way others homeschool. The life and family situation of each homeschooler is different. That's the beauty of it! I don't have to follow someone else's plan because I know my kids best. I have years to grow and learn and be molded by God just like my kids do! What works one year might not work the next. One child may love worksheets, the other may only like verbal questions and answers. I might need outside help with on teaching a difficult subject or I may be just the one to teach the practical life skills that are so valuable.

Time after time I have seen the fruits of our lives poured into our children. I have watched M and S transform from children who play dumb as part of their coping skills to children who are excited about learning and are pushing beyond their limitations to seek God's best. I am honestly enjoying a homeschooling rejuvenation in my life as many of the pressures of the last few years are easing. Every day is not perfect by any means but God is reassuring me that I am in the exact place where He wants me. At home with my children, learning about God's grace renewed every day.

photo credit

Missing You

2011-11-07T16:27:00.000-05:00

This song touched a chord in me yesterday and yet again today. I know what's it like to have so much grief and pain inside that I longed for the day when I would no longer be "Missing You."

I heard about the day You went away
You said You had to go prepare a place
And even though I’ve never seen Your face
I’m missin’ You
I lie awake tonight and I watch the sky
And I wish it didn’t have to be so high
‘Cause I’m belonging on the other side
And I’m missin’ You
‘Cause somewhere behind those stars
Is Someone who belongs to me
And I know in my deepest heart
There’s a place for You until I find the place You made for me
But still I’m missin’ You
I dream about Your promise to return
And I wake up hangin’ on Your every word
But for now my feet are planted here on earth
So I’m missin’ You
And even while they say that I’m a fool
I know you see me waiting here for You
Oh, and prayin’ that somehow You’ll get here soon
‘Cause I’m missin’ You
‘Cause somewhere behind those stars
Is Someone who belongs to me
And I know in my deepest heart
There’s a place for You until I find the place You made for me
But still I’m missin’ You
Oh, I’m missin’ You
Lord, I’m missin’ You

Deal of the Week

2011-11-06T18:32:00.000-05:00

Even though I've fallen off on the blogging I am always on the lookout for a good deal. It's at the end of yard sale season and I only went to one sale yesterday but I got some great deals. Here's the haul:

2 flannel shirts for the hubby
4 pairs of American Eagle flats (my size)
a pair of FiveFingers running shoes (which may be a knockoff but if they're not they cost at least $90 new. Now, as my kids said, I don't run and my foot might not fit and it's gross to wear other people's shoes. For $.50 I got them anyway!)
4 shirts for my daughter
6 shirts for me
2 amazing candle holders and candles:

Total price: $5.00

Resurrection

2011-11-04T15:09:00.003-04:00

Heard this song for the first time from a link by another mom and immediately was touched by the lyrics (which follow). For those of us parenting wounded children most of us reach this place of desperation and loss and hopelessness at some time during the journey. My days of deepest despair are vividly burned into my memory and are the reason I try so hard to encourage other moms in the same place.

Nicol sings, "You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again. You have a way of turning winter to spring, make something beautiful out of all this suffering."

Here's what I know of her story:

"It started on April 7th, 2008, when Todd Smith (of the group Selah) and his wife Angie welcomed their daughter Audrey Caroline into the world and watched her leave it a mere 2 1/2 hours later. On May 27th, Nicole Sponberg (Todd Smith's sister) and her husband Greg put their 10-week-old son Luke to bed at the end of a "normal" day. When they went in to check on him a short time later, they found him not breathing. Paramedics were called but they couldn't resuscitate him. SIDS, which causes about 2,500 deaths per year in the United States, (according to the The American SIDS Institute) was the cause."

None of us escape heartache and desperation, but there is hope in the One whose ultimate sacrifice led to His resurrection, the ultimate gift. May you be touched and blessed today.

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

chorus:
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

chorus 2:
Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

chorus

Wedding Deal of the Week

2011-11-01T12:54:00.000-04:00

Went out of town for 3 days to a scrapbooking retreat and absolutely had a great time! Lots of meaningful conversation, some silliness, way too much food, a hayride and a wee bit of scrapbooking. A good time was had by all!

Here is hopefully the first post of many wedding deals I found over the 7 months planning. Rachel wanted to serve all the food at the reception in round vases and containers. I found 12 of these crystal bowls at a yard sale for $0.25 apiece. A STEAL! They weren't exactly what she wanted to serve food in but we used some of them for the dips. The rest of them I may sell on Craig's List or keep for some decorative use.

What else could I use these for? Let me know your great ideas!

The State of M

2011-10-25T19:35:00.000-04:00

If you are a trauma mama you will want to read this post!

For those of you who read regularly you know I call my children by the first letter of their names. It gives them some privacy while still allowing me to be frank about the realities of family life with biological and adopted children. I was accused (by an unhappy adult adoptee) of being so negative about my youngest son. And to a point, she was right. I haven't blogged a great deal of positive posts about him. Grim reality is that over the last 11 years his negative attributes have far outweighed the positive. He also could not handle positive reinforcement of any magnitude and would immediately sabotage the "good stuff."

If you haven't lived with a child like this you can't possibly understand the opposite parenting that helps them heal. With the basic belief system is that they are "bad" kids or their parents wouldn't have abandoned them, these wounded kids work hard to destroy every loving relationship, especially that of mother and child. Any positive affirmation has to be given in a random, back door, off the cuff type of conversation.

However, it is with great pleasure that I'm here to tell you I believe my son has made great strides in the last few months. When I was attacked viciously by a blogger my son's response began the process of changing his beliefs and heart. I don't believe he is "healed" but I believe he is in process! I think he is doing the very best he can at this moment in his life, with the negative belief system that frames the way he looks at everything. With that said, I believe he loves and cares about me in a way I never expected. If anything, he is overly attached at times (wanting to be in the same room with me constantly) and anxiously attached (fearful that something will happen to me) the rest of the time.

I'm not a therapist and this is only how I view our relationship. It's almost like falling in love. You want to be with the person all the time and you're scared something will happen that will keep you apart. These last few months I have worked hard with M to lighten up and have fun with him, and sometimes, at his expense. Trying to teach him how to joke and give and take. Learning to read signals and people and social cues. Normal, childhood stuff. (I am in tears thinking I would never, ever say that. God is truly a miracle worker.)

He still has what I call "RAD responses" that are so ingrained in him that he truly isn't doing them on purpose. He just can't overcome the way he responds in certain situations. Arguing as a first response, then stopping himself and saying yes ma'am. Having to be right a lot of the time. Lying on occasion. But I wouldn't characterize these behaviors as all consuming.

The down side to all this good news is that M has revealed a level of anxiety that can be over the top. He is terrified of new situations and people he doesn't know. He wants a check list for life so he can know how to respond in every situation. Unfortunately, life is not like that. His continued process of healing will involve pushing him out of the nest while still providing security and working through life as it happens.

I asked my son recently to rank his thoughts on a percentage scale. He said his positive thoughts/reinforcement probably rated about 12 percent of his total thoughts. (Really? 12 percent? Who comes up with such a number?) I completely agreed with him. My son's biggest battle that I see at this moment is his overwhelmingly negative and obsessive thought life. These scriptures are my encouragement to him to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

The Message (MSG)

^3-6The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

We have "moments" that are not good. No fun. Really annoying. Days that seem like we're stuck in the same patterns. But I no longer feel that my son's relationship to me as constantly painful. There are growing pains to be sure, but there are times that I forget the 11 years of struggle. Family events that are not sabotaged. (M was able to participate in his sister's wedding and hold it all together during the moments of stress and great joy. That is success in my eyes! Of course, there was some payback amidst difficult days to follow but nothing like I feared.)

My son has many things to work on. Casting out fear. Replacing negative thoughts with powerful, Godly thinking. Believing family is forever and acting upon that belief. He has some personal demons that he will have to learn to cast out as he comes into adulthood.

I believe that's 88 percent positive improvement!

Texting and Relationships

2011-10-25T10:58:00.000-04:00

Like every new electronic gadget, I have been slow to embrace cell phones and texting. Until my older kids were gone all the time and I realized they would respond to a text way before they would answer my call. When I got my new phone (nothing fancy, don't get too excited!) and I had the qwerty (is that even what they call it?) I was all set.

I have discovered that I like sending little messages to my kids.

ily

miss you

praying 4 u

call your mom

(sorry, that one slipped in there :-)

My son's friends were asking him who on earth he was texting so much. My mom. She asks me questions!!!! Then he had to show them the 20 questions I asked. Hey, at least he responded and I know he's alive!

But the real jewel of texting? Romancing my husband. (My kids are squirming and rolling their eyes about now. That is, if they read my blog. Which they don't. At least not often.)

I love sending him little texts (or even longer ones) that tell him how proud I am of him. How much more in love with him I am today than when we married. How I miss him. The ways I appreciate all he does for our family. We have been married for 24 years and are at a stage where we are seeing each other in a new light. Our life circumstances are changing and we are growing closer together as we reach a new chapter in our life together.

Recent texts: Daughter is coming home for lunch. Be there. Let's go out for pizza buffet. List for the discount bread store. My favorite: Can I have ur cheezits?

I have also discovered it's harder to fight by text. I don't have the patience to text that much so I am brief and to the point. Differences get resolved way quicker than in person. And silence is golden.

I love locking my favorite texts and reading them over when I need encouragement (or ammunition if possible jk). You see, I'm a words person. "Words of encouragement" is my love language. I am, however, realizing that I don't have to have pages of words.

160 characters or less will do just fine.

photo credit

Wedding Day

2011-10-19T20:57:00.000-04:00

It was an unbelievably beautiful day. Temps in the low 70's, sunny skies and a slight breeze. Perfect day for a dream wedding. It was everything we planned it to be and more.

Seven months of hard work went into this day of family and celebration. Research, budget, make lists, recruit, babysit, shop, yard sale, make more lists, visit venues, decisions, prayer. Months of brainstorming with Rachel and Jen. It was worth every minute, every struggle, every stress.

My daughter was incredibly beautiful. She and Donny looked at each other like there was no one else in the world. As I sat on the front pew with my love and watched Donny get emotional during the vows, I felt like I was experiencing our wedding day all over again. Same church, same look of love. Almost twenty five years later. What a blessing that Tim and I could watch the man we have prayed for gaze at our daughter with such adoration. God is good.

Pre-Wedding Panic
Despite the best of intentions there were a couple of last minute things to cope with. On Wednesday I realized I hadn't bought any napkins for the wedding. Oops. Not on my list anywhere! Insert trip to Party City and messy crisis averted.

I searched online for prices for disposable goods (cake plates, buffet plates, punch cups) and found a company with a cheaper price. They arrived about 3 weeks before the wedding but I had ordered too small of a plate for the buffet. The company said they would let me return them and shipped out another size to me. Unfortunately, they seem to celebrate every holiday (including Rosh HaShanah) and closed the company each time. I placed the new order online and waited anxiously for it to get here. And waited. And waited. Phone calls and emails to check the order were rarely returned. On Tuesday before the wedding they were delivered. Thank God! Another crisis overcome. (I still wait for this company to return my calls and emails about returning parts of the original order we didn't use.)

Wedding Day

The day did not go off without a hitch despite all our intense planning and preparation. Rachel and I went to get our hair done and her makeup done at 9:00 am. This was her treat to me and a special way to begin our day. Shortly afterwards, though, she got a call from her dad saying that the bridesmaid putting up our directional posters for the reception was standing at the main road into campus and the venue. It was CLOSED. What????? The college was on fall break and there was construction going on at one of the crosswalks. Sections of the street were blocked, totally changing our sign placement planning.

Of course, I had forgotten my cell phone (never happens) and could do absolutely nothing to help. Dad had to make phone calls and troubleshoot instead of having his leisurely morning coffee. Not good. I sat helpless, praying that it would work out and our guests wouldn't have to walk a mile from another location on campus to the house. Everything did work out and campus patrol didn't even have anyone on duty since it was fall break. We were told we could park anywhere on campus, including metered and marked spaces, and would not be towed. Signs were rerouted and calm returned. Sort of. The stress level did rise but we were marching towards the goal!

Got home in a rush for Rachel to do S's makeup and finish her hair, load the car, rush to church at 12, evade Donny and finally take a breath. No time for food but I had grapes in our room and no one passed out from hunger so we were good! Fastening the endless buttons on the back of Rachel's dress and praying with her before I went downstairs was surreal and emotional. Such a beautiful young woman. I was and am honored to be her mom.

The biggest regret Rachel has is the fact everyone left her in the bridal room on the second floor and no one came back to get her! I was in the sanctuary and heard her music and we all stood up. Nothing happened for a few moments. Finally, the doors swung open (I couldn't see it, of course) and she and her Daddy came down the aisle. I was busy watching Donny look at his beautiful bride. So sweet. The part I didn't know was that the bridal party went down to process in and no one was left with Rachel. She heard her music and freaked that no one had come to get her! Her dad asked the wedding director about it and she had forgotten! So her dad got in the elevator to get her. Once they were in the foyer she and her dad were basically pushed down the aisle. So much for calm and composure! Makes for a great wedding story, though! Found out later my nephew was standing in the back trying to wave down the pianist and keep her from starting the bridal processional.

Realized later that the flameless battery operated candles were never lit on the memory table (the grandparents' pictures were there to remember their lives). We also had one family pew designated behind the parents' pews but no one told my son so it remained empty and our family set elsewhere. Way to feel isolated!

Reception Imperfections

We had prepared 64 water bottles with Donny and Rachel's monogram on them and they were almost gone by the time we got to the Alumni House. I was very surprised because Rachel requested my famous punch recipe, but I suppose people were hot from walking and went for the water. Had quite a bit of punch leftover. I think more ginger ale should have been added to give it more spice.

My husband got to be a bouncer and I didn't even see it. He dashed into the kitchen when we first got there and was informed we had an uninvited guest. Apparently a student wandered in and made himself at home, helping himself to the food and sitting with the other guests. Tim promptly went over and told him this was a private gathering and he needed to move on. Wedding crasher!

No wedding day ever goes perfectly. Yet for my daughter and her new husband and their family and friends it was a day to be cherished. God is good.

The Life we Planned

2011-10-14T00:00:00.001-04:00

School at Home

2011-10-13T23:34:00.000-04:00

Between all the wedding preparations, errands, life changes and exhaustion this week has been a light week for school. But even with that there is always learning going on. My two youngest always have "educational" books from the public library, which includes anything from the non fiction section to historical fiction to music cds to books on tape. Even when they're not "doing" school officially they are always surrounded by resources and tons of conversation starters.

Since my oldest got married S will inherit her bedroom. She has ideas on what colors she wants and the bedding she might like. Today part of her "school" was teaching her how to research on the internet for bedding ideas and pricing. She learned how to bookmark sites, create a new folder and think of ways to research her project. I believe the ability to research and investigate new areas of interests is a huge part of our school at home. Plus it got her excited! Score! (As always she was heavily monitored with her use of the internet.)

Dream Wedding for $5000

2011-10-13T23:18:00.009-04:00

We went into this wedding planning gig with absolutely no knowledge or experience. We came out of it with months of decisions, frustrations and bonding behind us and a beautiful perfect day as a result.

Here are my suggestions to help you as you start the process.

Set a budget. We did this and although we knew the prices of the major expenditures (venue, church, photography, cake) we just did everything we could to save money elsewhere. I worked diligently in the time consuming job of figuring out how to stretch the money we had allotted for this special day.

Decide what is most important. Invest your money in the things that matter most. My daughter did not want to get married in the church fellowship hall. No matter how many ways we brainstormed (and believe me, we went round and round about this) to "camouflage" it the room was still unappealing. We spent a few weeks looking and analyzing before we came up with the perfect location. The venue was important to Rachel and we made it a priority.

The photography was also top of the list of "must haves." Because my daughter has tried her hand at some modeling she loves the look of what I call "artsy" photography. As you can see in this post the camera loves her! We got a tremendous price on an engagement shoot, bridal portraits and the wedding day itself. One of the photographers had taken pictures of Rachel before and we knew the finished product would be phenomenal.

Decide on a theme, an idea, or something to pull the wedding together. From the very beginning my daughter was set on peacock feathers. We pulled the teal, royal blue and purple from that idea then used that as the theme for the wedding. My niece (who has a degree in interior architecture) began with the pattern in the invitation she designed and carried it through everything from the centerpieces to water bottles to pompoms to the custom designed cake. It was a stunning feast for the eyes!

Research, research, research. The internet is a treasure trove of ideas and thoughts about all things wedding. Find a way to use those ideas at a much cheaper price by doing it yourself and/or comparing prices. Much of the physical running around can be eliminated by using the internet wisely.

Put the word out on facebook, email or other web avenues for assistance. We put out a request for a venue for the reception and found our site from that advice. We were completely and totally thrilled with our choice.

Accept the gift of service from others. None of our wedding personnel charged us. The pastor, pianist, keyboardist, guitarist, soloist, wedding director, wedding planner and servers at the reception all gave us the gift of their time and expertise.

Ask for a discount. My mother (deceased a few months ago) was a charter member of the church we used for the ceremony. I spent all my growing up years and some of my adult years in this church. My daughter had fond memories from her younger days there and her dad and I were married in the same church. Because we asked, we only had to pay cleanup fees with no nonmember charges added on.

Allow others to help. Donny's mom graciously made the pinwheel sandwiches, vegetables and dips, cheeses and crackers. We made the fruit kabobs (400 of them), four different kinds of cookies, pretzel sticks, marshmallow pops, and punch. His family paid for the rehearsal dinner (held at the church) as is the custom.

Here are a few pics to whet your appetite :)

Some things are not included in this $5000 amount. My daughter bought her own dress and accessories. However, after all the expenses were totaled there was $600 left to apply towards this purchase, which only left her a small amount of money on the gown. Her fiance's black suit and the ring bearer's tux were bought by the groom's parents. My husband and two sons all needed black suits, not included in this amount. Obviously, this doesn't count the honeymoon trip to Jamaica (bride and groom paid for). Rachel bought the gifts for her bridesmaids and Donny supplied matching ties and pocket squares for his groomsmen. This also does not include a mother of the bride ensemble or the junior bridesmaid dress.

I will do some individual posts on how we pulled this all off in the near future, but at the moment I'm still recuperating and trying to find our new "normal."

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Lies

2011-10-13T19:18:00.001-04:00

I have learned a very real truth from my wounded children:

What I believe about myself is EVERYTHING.

Whether from messages implanted on my heart at birth or through childhood, disbelieving the truth of God's word will keep me stuck in a pattern of lies and destruction.

It is MY responsibility to change the deception playing in my mind every day and the only way to do this is to replace the lies with the truth of God's word.

You're too much trouble.

Romans 8:35
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

You're not worth it.

Psalm 139:13-14

For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

You're not good enough.

Psalm 119:96
To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless.

As I help my children heal I am learning the steps I need to take to be a whole, healthy daughter of the King.

What are the false messages you believe about yourself?

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Bridal Portraits

2011-10-10T21:21:00.000-04:00

Now that my daughter is married I can share just a few of her bridal portraits. Hard to believe this gorgeous young woman came from my body! It's all very surreal.

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To my Precious Daughter, on your Wedding Day

2011-10-08T14:30:00.014-04:00

October 8, 2011

To my precious Rachel,

Today is the most special day of your long lived life at twenty two. Today you will walk down the aisle, radiating beauty, leaning on your father's strong arm, to meet the man you will take as the chosen love of your life. Today this man we have prayed for will take you as his wife, for better or worse. This specific God-ordained pairing of two young people claiming Jesus as their Savior, joining together to live for Christ the rest of their days. I don't know about you, but it overwhelms me. This life-altering day has been prayed for and given to God by your father and I. We didn't know who we prayed for all these many years but God did. He knew the one who would love you with all his heart. The man who would take on the role of head of your family with certainty and a little fear. Someone who desires to uplift and encourage and love you as Christ loved the church.

I couldn't be more proud of the young woman we give away today.

You are head strong and confident.
Stubborn and feisty
Loving and giving
Sweet and sassy

You are my child.

My daughter.

The speck within me that has been loved and cherished since conception.

The one I fell in love with twenty two years ago.

The baby I drove around the neighborhood with, begging to go to sleep.

The toddler who clung to my leg and pleaded with me not to leave her.

The shy preschooler, afraid to talk in class.

The little angel at the Robinson's Bible Study.

The homeschool student who labored with me over phonics.

The piano student who didn't always like to practice.

The elementary school "mama" who loved all babies.

The sister who willingly embraced three adopted siblings.

The teenager with braces.

The young woman with the amazing long hair who chopped it off for Locks of Love.

The beautiful princess going to prom.

The sassy, opinionated, confident woman.

The young lady with hopes and dreams.

My daughter with the"800-watt" smile that lights up the room.

Today you are the bride. The center of attention. Our beautiful joy and gift. You are never far from our thoughts and our hearts. Thank you for being my "practice" child. And for teaching me more than I could ever teach you. I love you, sweet girl.

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

photo credit

Coolest Paper Ever!

2011-10-02T22:30:00.000-04:00

Guess what I got yesterday? Did you guess? Has something to do with our theme wedding. Made my scrapbooker's heart leap!

Royal Garden Paper Stack with Foil

Your royal garden, and the menagerie of subjects within it, will be brought to life through the designs of this stack. The vibrant greens, purples, blues and teals, along with the foil accents on half of the pages will add color and feeling to your paper crafting adventures.

Stack includes 48 vibrant sheets, 24 dipped in foil accents.

Package Contains:

Thought for the Day

2011-10-01T08:50:00.000-04:00

Saw this on facebook today and loved it! We say often in our home, relationship or being right? Choose one.

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Wedding Theme

2011-10-01T00:32:00.000-04:00

There might be a theme to this wedding.

And it might have something to do with this.

Can you guess what it is?

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One Week and Counting

2011-10-01T00:27:00.001-04:00

One week from today my daughter will be walking down the aisle to marry her love.

There is so much to do to get to that point!

Baking dozens of cookies and decorating other treats.

Fluffing more than 100 pompoms much like these for the church and reception.

Ironing the table covers, washing all the glassware, buying and cutting fruit for kabobs. Transporting everything to the Alumni House, decorating and instructing helpers.

Preparing parking and direction signs, buying balloons, thawing punch.

Pedicures and manicures.

Getting our hair done.

Sleeping? I doubt it.

Experiencing Loss? Always a part of it.

Rejoicing? Absolutely!

Trusting God for good weather, special friends and family to join us and a joyous celebration.

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Joy and Loss

2011-09-29T10:50:00.001-04:00

I have always wondered the validity of the idea that the body can remember traumatic events and the anniversaries of those events even when our conscious mind does not. This doubting Thomas no longer doubts. Today I was having a conversation with our lawyer about my mom's death and our family's loss. I was telling him more about my sister's death from a heart attack in 2000 and it was as if someone punched me in the stomach and pierced my heart. A physical hurt rushed over me and the grief was palpable. October 2nd is the anniversary of my sister's death. I knew that but hadn't given it any conscious thought. My heart, however, remembered the sting of the loss. My body felt the weight of her absence in my life, in the lives of her family.

Amidst all the joyous preparations and hectic last minute details of my daughter's wedding there is still an ache at the absence of those we love. My sister, who loved R so completely and was an amazing aunt. My dad, whose body completed its earthly journey and was healed in heaven. My mom, whose life was cut short by negligence beyond my control. They are made complete and new now but their absence is felt and remembered.

What Would They Say?

2011-09-29T00:47:00.000-04:00

I sang for a funeral today. Although I have a degree in vocal performance I don't sing very often these days. The church we attend doesn't use a choir and I haven't taught private voice lessons for a while. I have managed to get my name on the list with a local funeral home when a soloist is needed. It gives me a chance to sing (which I love), to minister with my heart to the family (which makes me feel good), and earn a little bit of cash (which always helps!)

Today at the funeral the minister encouraged the small audience of people gathered to share their memories and reflections on the deceased. No one said a word. Not a single word. I was stunned. Heartbroken. Uncomfortable. A loved one dies and no one has anything to say?

In the quiet of the moment all I could think was what would my family, my friends, say about me? Have I made a difference in their lives or have I lived for myself? Would my family remember my perseverance, my wackiness, my love?

I want to live my life as if today is all I have. Because the truth is no one knows the day or time when life ceases for each of us. Life is a blessing. Every breath we take is a gift from God.

What would you do different if today is the only opportunity you get to say it all, do it all, leave it all?

MIA

2011-09-24T10:01:00.000-04:00

I have been MIA for a few days. So many things going on in my world! Mostly centered around R's wedding. Details, phone calls, orders placed and changed, RSVP's to count, 200 programs to manually print, cut, punch, glue and tie, errands to run (and run and run), last of cookie dough and punch to make and freeze, helpers to coordinate. Some semblance of homeschooling, meals, activities, church. Chiropractor visits for me (that's a new thing.) New season on TV. (Okay, that's not a have to get done but a want to get done! The Mentalist, Hawaii 5-0, Parenthood, Blue Bloods.) Insanity workouts to get in shape.

Are you as exhausted as I am? It's really all good but I've gone from overwhelmed (from our do-it-yourself wedding) to sad (still missing the college boy) to frustrated (not enough hours in the day) to tired (lots of work involved) to grateful (for my family and those that support and encourage me). I knew last year as we were journeying through J's last year in our homeschool and R was anticipating getting engaged that this year would be difficult for me. I don't think I can even imagine the depth to which this will hit me when the wedding is over.

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Search

2011-09-17T12:18:00.000-04:00

I've loaded a google search gadget to help those who might want to search my blog for a specific topic. I know very little about all this computer stuff so let me know if it is helpful or has kinks or whatever. Can't guarantee I can fix it but after R's wedding I'll try.

That's how everything is paraphrased these days. AW. After the wedding. October 8th in case anyone is keeping track! 3 weeks from today. Did you hear that sharp intake of air and my heart start thundering? Breathe in. Breathe out.

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Deal of the Week

2011-09-17T12:07:00.000-04:00

The lip products in this picture were not purchased this week but it is typical of the kinds of deals I get at CVS when I go. If you have a CVS near you and don't have a CVS card, go get yourself one! You can sign up for email and member notices which is one of the best ways I save. Almost every week I receive an email with coupons such as $5 off $20, 25% off regular priced purchase, etc. Once a quarter I receive my bonus bucks based on the prescriptions I've purchased. They also have a beauty buy incentive, $5 ECB (extra care bucks) when you purchase $50. There are also specific blogs that link you to coupons and deals for each week. You can end up getting items for free or even with a profit! This is one of my favorite blogs. (It's a local homeschooling, thrifty mom).

In the pic above I purchased the two items above and received $10 ECB, making it practically free. Since you know I'm on the search for that perfect shade this deal was perfect for me!

Let me know if you have any questions. Rite-Aid, Walgreens and other drugstores also have these same kinds of incentive programs but I haven't had time to learn their systems. If you are diligent and spend some time on your research (or have an IRL friend to help) you can get great deals. Good luck!

Life in the Fast Lane

2011-09-14T22:57:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I just get very quiet here on the ol' blog, not because anything serious is going on, but because life doesn't allow for a lot of time for reflection. We are wading in the mire of last minute wedding details. Overwhelming, minute details. My lists have made their own lists and are multiplying rapidly! I haven't talked much about the wedding only because it seems like we've been planning it for ages. We are in the home stretch (a little over 3 weeks to go!) and life is pretty tense but I'll share more in the next few weeks. My niece Jennifer, the bride R and I have been spending Sunday nights for weeks planning and deciding and trying to keep each other sane. I know I will remember and cherish the time we spent together. At least maybe I will after it all comes together!

Had therapy yesterday for the first time in a few weeks. Our therapist K told S that she had been my rock for the last year. As the changes and challenges in the rest of the family have rocked my world S has been in such a good place. She has bonded completely with me, trusting me with her heart and her life. She has supported me and encouraged me, so very often putting my needs before her own. She asks me constantly how she can help, what she can do for me. What an amazing blessing! When I was in the midst of the battle I could never have imagined the young woman she has become and the strides she has made in healing. My friends, hang on to hope. There is no guarantee for any of our children but the possibility remains! Healing may not come under our roof but there is always hope.

I feel like I always follow good news with......the rest of the story. M is at the same place he's been forever. His behaviors are manageable. He is trying as hard as he can to please me and do "things" for me. Shouldn't that be enough? For many parents, yes. For me, no. I want to capture my child's heart. Every child of mine. Because without this the bond you share as mom and child has no real strength to withstand the storms of life. I want my son to feel love and to love in return, real genuine, take your breath away love. I want him to find his purpose in life, why God created him. I want him to be passionate, to feel pain without allowing it to control his life. I want him to give up control. Not to me, but to the One who will never leave nor forsake him.

M voiced it best at therapy when he said, "I'm afraid that what God wants is not what I want." Aren't we all the same? I like comfortable. Secure. Predictable. I know God wants to rock my world and I fight it until I can't live with myself any longer. I'm praying M gets to that place sooner rather than later. It is indescribable to those that don't know the peace of laying it all on the altar before God and knowing it is good.

I don't want to dictate to my children what to do or how to act. I want to guide them to discover the truths of God and relationships through trial and error. I want to be the one they turn to when they need a safe harbor, a place of consistency and love and grace. When all these things fall into place, M's behavior will come from a place of love instead of great fear.

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School at Home Deal of the Week

2011-09-09T14:31:00.000-04:00

I get to combine two of my favorite subjects, homeschooling and frugal living, in one post! Today M and S and I went to one of our favorite musical events, Music for a Great Space, where we heard this trio. We go twice a year to the concerts held for children, usually from the private and homeschools in the area. This time there were only homeschool students so the crowd was very calm! The setting is instructional with the kids asking questions after the music portion is completed. The deal part of this: it's free and each family receives a voucher to come back to the official concert (at night), also free. Can't beat free!

School at Home

2011-09-08T13:46:00.001-04:00

We latched onto a new to us program this Tuesday night with the History Detectives on PBS at 8 pm. Most of my family rolls their eyes at the mere mention of history but M and S and I gave it a shot. They loved it! Here's the info on this week's episode:

The Case:

Our contributor inherited a 1775 Almanac from his grandfather.

Judging from notes in the margins, this document is far more than a dusty reference manual. Someone has used it as a diary.

The scrawled notes give History Detectives a rare, intimate insight into how conflicting loyalties may have strained personal relationships during the Revolution.

Who wrote this diary? And what role did the author play in the Revolutionary War?

It was interesting, educational and captured our attention. There are other episodes available to watch online here. If you could coordinate with the time periods you are studying in history it would be even more valuable. If not, enjoy it for hooking your kids on history!

Does It Ever Get Any Easier?

2011-09-07T18:04:00.000-04:00

Does it ever get any easier?

Saying goodbye?

I thought it was hard when we left our son at college the first time.

We had a great Labor Day weekend.

And had to say goodbye again.

I cried when he got in his sister's car for the trip home.

I cried after we had lunch.

I cried when he got in his own car to drive back to school.

Does it ever get any easier?

photo of J and his school buds (who happened to be staying across the street from us)

School at Home

2011-09-07T12:04:00.000-04:00

Today while looking at DVD's at the library, M pointed to one and said the film was made by Steven Fiberglass. Hunh? He meant Spielberg. Go figure. He had read a whole book about him and couldn't remember his name. Not good. Then he pointed to another DVD case and said there's the curly girl. What? Curly- HAIRED girl?

Both my kids have trouble with expressive language. In many ways this has improved. In other ways it is so frustrating to try and figure out what they are trying to say. Makes for some hysterical conversations.

When we came home I decided to challenge them in giving directions. I blindfolded M and had S give him directions to another place in the living room. The first time she did it S had to walk with him because she had trouble visualizing his position without it. Then they reversed. S was actually more succinct and precise in her directions. This is amazing because she is the one who had years of speech and language therapy because of Auditory Processing Disorder. Yet with the strides she has made in attachment these verbal languages skills have greatly improved. Writing, not so much. M has gotten worse and plateaued in his communication skills. As they progress in the middle school years I believe more testing is needed to help me know how to teach them and find the limits of their abilities and work around them.

This was our school at home moment that I wanted to share today.

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Vacation Blessing

2011-09-07T00:12:00.000-04:00

Just got back Monday from an unexpected weekend at the beach. R's employer couldn't use her time share this weekend and she offered it to us! Such a blessing. I really did not want M to go. After 11 years of sabotaged vacations I wanted just this one, our last one as a compact unit, to be relaxing and fun and stress free. Major disharmony over him going but I submitted and worked on adjusting my attitude. Normal RAD behaviors during the week leading up to our mini vacation. No surprise there.

Tim, J and the younger two left Friday morning and I waited to leave with R after she got off work. Spent the day madly running wedding errands and making phone calls. We had a wonderful, fun, four hour drive together. Talked about many, many things that I guarantee most moms don't have the strength to talk about. As R begins her married life I want her to still be able to come to me for advice, to know she can ask me anything. Some of that involves telling about my mistakes and missteps on the road to becoming who I am today. Not always comfortable but it is real. As well as encouraging my children in finding success in life, I need to give them the courage to fail, and experience unconditional love when they do.

The weekend was truly wonderful. It was as if all of us tried to capture "time in a bottle." More so with the older two but even M worked hard to not deliberately sabotage the weekend. It is so sad that he has to work hard to not automatically be difficult. There were times he couldn't help himself and spending time with him is like being with an empty shell. But all in all we were able to have fun in spite of him and without his participation when he couldn't take it in.

One of our more fun activities was cutting tissue paper for pompoms that we will have at the church and reception. Don't they look enthused?

Tim still had some schoolwork to do while we were gone. He's such a diligent student and amazingly prepared for his classes. Nothing like when he was in college the first time1

Best part of vacation.....just chillin'. My kids have that down to an art form!

Our condo had a lazy river which we tried to turn into bumper boats. No children or animals were hurt :)

I am usually a grump at least part of vacation. I am a list maker and function best with order. It takes me an enormous time to get ready for a week's vacation. We only eat out on the road and maybe once during the week. This time, however, I just planned a couple of meals and breakfast, some sandwiches for lunch and we were good to go. The condo provided linens and beach towels which kept packing to a minimum.Tim only had one pair of shoes and of course they broke. So off he went hunting for new ones. No flip flops to be had so he settled on tennis shoes. Note to self: pack more than one pair of shoes!

Treasuring these memories. God is good.

Deal of the Week

2011-09-02T10:39:00.003-04:00

This week's deal came amidst weeks of searching for shoes for R's wedding in Oct. I ordered a pair online at Target and loved them when I got them but they were a little too loose. I have had the worst time trying to return them. I hope all online purchases aren't that difficult.

I seriously had looked at tons of online stores and IRL stores. I wanted to spend no more then $30. I know. I know. That's a slim budget for wedding shoes but I was convinced I could do it! On Kohl's clearance shelves I found these hot pink ones for me ($54.99 reg. price, $21.99 on sale) and these silver ones for S ($49.99 reg. price, $9.99 on sale). Plus I had a $10 off $30 purchase so the total came to $23.46 for both pairs! Score!

(The only problem: These still slide up and down on the back of my heel. I don't need a smaller size and I'm not sure what kind of shoe pad would help. Double stick tape, maybe? Any suggestions? I love, love, love these shoes so help me, please!)

The Perfect Color

2011-09-01T11:08:00.000-04:00

What in the world is this about? It is my obsession with lipstick, lipgloss, whatever you want to call it. Maybe not "obsession" but my search for that "perfect" color. I love bright lipstick. Love matching shades with my clothes (although my lips are usually brighter than I am!) Reds, pinks, plums and everything else. Ahhh. I'm sure the day will come when I realize it probably makes me look older or accents the wrinkles or whatever. But not yet.

I do love getting a good deal, though, so I use my CVS extra bucks or find shades at the dollar store. The lipsticks were overflowing the container I keep them in so it was time to let some of those babies go! I decided to humor myself and count them. Can you guess how many I had?

97!!!!

That's just crazy! In my defense, a lot of these have been collecting dust for a while so I set them free. I won't tell you how many I still have. One day I might need that perfect shade of fresh melon, raindrop frost or precious plum.

It has been requested that I not go wild pink or red for my daughter's wedding. By my daughter. I guess she doesn't want my lipstick upstaging her big entrance. Go figure.

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